College is not exactly what I thought it would be like. I know I've complained at length about this before, but I've been thinking of this recently...
Ever since my family and I helped move my older cousin into the UC Davis dorms, my 12-13 year old self always assumed that my 18-year old self would follow along on the same path to a UC. Living in the dorms, having roommates and floormates, hanging out with new friends on the weekends, living on campus...
It seemed only inevitable.
As I, 16 years old, helped move Diane into her UC Berkeley dorm, the same memory revisited me: I would love to do the same and have that "college experience." I wondered to myself, "When will it be my turn to move away from home and have my family help me move onto campus?" I waited in anticipation and excitement, preparing to say goodbye to home, as my sister and older friends left San Jose for faraway college campuses.
However, it was not to be...
Helping Diane move into her new apartment a year later, and my cousin Fanny into her apartment near UCLA a month ago, I finally realized: It would not happen.
Senior year, I watched as friends and classmates waited breathlessly for college acceptance letters. There was one day when about every senior was filled with nervous excitement at midnight for colleges to inform them of their acceptance. As midnight came and went, the news came trickling in. Profiles were updated with smiles or tears, proclaiming their various acceptances or rejections. One day afterschool in Journalism, a girl checked her college acceptances and SHRIEKED with joy when she realized she'd been accepted to Cornell. I was really happy, and still am, for the people who were able to get into their dream schools. Mr. Crowther had a wall of acceptance letters from various students, and it was fun reading them to see who got into which school.
Now that everyone is away at college, I'm feeling slightly left out. Every person I've talked to enjoys college life--making friends, learning how to get around the campus, etc. I've visited UCSC and thought that the campus is like a little town for college students. I think friends are easiest to make when you actually live with them.
It's kind of hard making friends at community college because the only contact you have with them is within classes, if you even talk at all. I haven't felt confident nor comfortable enough to ask classmates to form a study group. At the end of the day, everybody goes home at different times. I have made friends, but only within classes--not outside. In class like badminton or karate, I am comfortable chatting and laughing with them, but as soon as I'm out the door, I step back into my solitary persona. Don't get me wrong; it's actually very peaceful. I have lots of time to go to the library and do homework, or go anywhere I want without being pressured by anyone with me. It can be lonely pigging out by myself, but I usually have a book or my homework with which to accompany me. But sometimes I think it's my own attitude that's making me feel solitary.
One day at 5:45 after Spanish, I went to the 3rd floor of the library to do homework. I passed by a table at which converged a group of people. A girl there kept glancing at me as I sat down two tables away from them and spread my homework across the top. As I got to work, I kept noticing the group tossing glances my way. Finally a guy from their table came over and sat next to me. He said that the girl was wondering what ethnicity I was--that's why she was staring--and that she was too shy to come over and talk to me. The guy and I chatted past his 6:30 class. Finally I had to leave for the bus stop at 7, and we exchanged numbers. Ever since then, he has been asking me through text messages to hang out.
I don't know why, but I feel uncomfortable with hanging out with him and his group. He seems like a very friendly guy, but his Myspace suggests that he's a "player." He's about 24, and his group goes out a lot--they seem to be comfortable with the idea of blowing off class. If I were living on campus, maybe I would be more comfortable with hanging out with the group, but living with my parents and their overprotective rules turns me off the idea. Trying to go out is SO annoying and often not worth the trouble, I've unfortunately learned during high school. My mom likes to get on my case because she thinks I'm promiscuous and shouldn't be trusted. Going out only invites trouble and criticism. Therefore, I've turned down most of his invitations to hang out...effectively leaving myself solitary.
I see my friends going out with their floormates and having the times of their lives; hanging out together; visiting each other in dorms; going to meals together. Everytime, I yearn to have the same experience. People have talked to me about roommate problems and overall dissatisfaction in their first week away at college; I can't help but think that I would love to be in their place.
In junior year, I decided to go to Irvine. I sent my SAT and AP scores there. A month ago, I found out that my elementary-school best friend whom I haven't talked with in years is going there, and so is my current best friend. I felt so letdown and disappointed--how perfect it would have been if I had gone to Irvine too! I could have renewed my friendship with my old best friend and hung out with Thanh as well--maybe I could have roomed with her and hung out with her.
Then I looked up the list of majors Irvine is offering. It had no "Graphic Design" in its list. I wondered, why did I want to go to this school? It doesn't even have the major I want. Maybe I had selected it when I thought my major was going to involve psychology, or business...or something.
One day, I was sitting at the bus stop when a lady sat down beside me. We got to chatting, and through our conversation while waiting for the bus, she told me that the classes at community college and CSUs offer basically the same result as the ones from UCs. Another fellow busrider told me that really the main difference is the amount of money spent. Mr. Wong said that even if you don't go to a UC, you make your own college experience.
College is to learn; that's a given. But then there is also the social aspect that goes along with rigorous homework and exams--the study groups, the dorm events, and of course the raucous partying.
Along with the college experience, I've always wanted to do extremely well in school. In elementary and middle school, maybe; in high school, ehh. Maybe this is a chance for me to do something with the choices I've been presented. After all, college isn't all about the acceptance letters or the friends or the partying. Why do people go to college? To get their degrees.
Maybe I won't go to a UC. Maybe I won't follow along in my cousins' and sister's footsteps. But the thing is... I
am having a college experience. Perhaps not the one I had dreamed of, but it's my own unique one. I mean, getting deterred from SJSU, attending SJCC and taking courses I know I want to take (like karate, Spanish, Excel and Word), learning new things about myself that I wouldn't have discovered had I gone to a UC or SJSU right off the bat (for one, I really like learning new languages, with the exception of Chinese), taking buses all over the East and South Bay... all of that adds up to one unforgettable experience, take it as you will. And it's only my first semester in college.
SJSU really seems perfect for me more than any other UC would be. It has a great Graphic Design program, and a cozy design agency a few blocks away that I have my eyes set on. The only thing that sucks about my current situation is the fact that I live at home, and will stay at home for at least another three years. But then nobody has it all.
I realized that after I get over to SJSU in January, I am going to miss San Jose City College. A lot. It's my third semester here and I've actually grown a little fond of this school. Seeing the nice bus driver at 8:35 AM who had driven the same bus Thanh and I took for the Summer 2008 semester, using the Tech lab to go on Youtube and use Photoshop (heheh), finally figuring out how the expensive library printing system worked, raiding the cafeteria's snack racks (DIRTY CHIPS!), getting tired after running up the stairs in the Tech Center and the library, practically memorizing the 61/62 bus schedules, going on little shopping excursions around the campus, spending almost 12 hours on campus a day, knowing which restrooms are the nicest and cleanest (lol), recognizing people on the crowded campus and saying hi to them.
Just two more months, and we'll see. It's only my first semester.
And then on the way back, I stepped in a huge puddle of water. D:
mi padre... oh dear
and really, what's a camera test run without a self-portrait? 
