Got two design jobs on my agenda this week. I love outside work relating to my major :) Now I hope for some more of that in the photography area. Maybe I should advertise free portrait shoots?
Okay, so today's critique in 104 wasn't that great. Kim liked my design, but not my craftsmanship (ugh I thought I paid careful attention to that...). So I will not reward myself. Instead, when I am happy with these two designs, I will reward myself.
edit: goodbye blogspot! www.twilight-promenade.tumblr.com
Monday, November 22, 2010
choppy
The waters are choppy going back since I'm paddling back up the river. Hopefully my canoe can make it back.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
shopping
So Black Friday is rolling around and I have no idea what I want to get...
except that I just spent a good amount of time doing some online window shopping instead of writing my essay :D
1.
USB dynamic recording microphone, $33.58 free shipping, on sale.
OMG I WANT
OMG I WANT
2.
ASOS double buckle leather wide belt, $48.27 -__-
I've been looking for something like this for a while. It would look better in a softer brown, though.
I've been looking for something like this for a while. It would look better in a softer brown, though.
3.
Modcloth jumper. Perfect over a ruffled white/gray blouse!! Out of stock though.
Maybe I'll try to make something like that. -_-
I'm a super super super picky shopper, so it's amazing that I'm in love with these.
EDIT. okay i'll make a deal with myself. If I do well on tomorrow's critique for 104 AND write a stellar essay for AAS, I'll buy myself one of these.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
ten pee pole
10 different people thing.
1) Stop trying so hard to contact me; I gave you so many chances to prove that you aren't the conniving, lying weasel you were when I first met you. Seven years later, things haven't changed, no matter how hard you try to deny it.
2) I like you as a person, but sometimes you're too competitive and blow yourself up in your mind. And then you don't hesitate to put others down. Other than that, you're someone who's really cool to hang out with.
3) You're trying hard to grow up--and I commend that-- but your hard effort is the average person's lazy attempt. And you don't even realize it--or do you?
4) You're not the typical nice guy on the outside, but on the inside there's something genuinely sweet and caring about you. I hope I'm reading you right.
5) I haven't seen nor talked to you in a while, which is probably why I've been blogging a lot. Time for a visit!
6) Honestly, you're skilled in technical terms, but I think you're not as good as you think you are. So stop putting me and my work down, and deflate your big head. You'll attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
7) I've always wanted to try playing with you, but I need to get better first. I don't want to bring you down.
abrupt end bc i can't think of any more people lol
1) Stop trying so hard to contact me; I gave you so many chances to prove that you aren't the conniving, lying weasel you were when I first met you. Seven years later, things haven't changed, no matter how hard you try to deny it.
2) I like you as a person, but sometimes you're too competitive and blow yourself up in your mind. And then you don't hesitate to put others down. Other than that, you're someone who's really cool to hang out with.
3) You're trying hard to grow up--and I commend that-- but your hard effort is the average person's lazy attempt. And you don't even realize it--or do you?
4) You're not the typical nice guy on the outside, but on the inside there's something genuinely sweet and caring about you. I hope I'm reading you right.
5) I haven't seen nor talked to you in a while, which is probably why I've been blogging a lot. Time for a visit!
6) Honestly, you're skilled in technical terms, but I think you're not as good as you think you are. So stop putting me and my work down, and deflate your big head. You'll attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
7) I've always wanted to try playing with you, but I need to get better first. I don't want to bring you down.
abrupt end bc i can't think of any more people lol
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
november update
seriously only one more month left of school????? geez this semester passed by like nothing. i still feel like the first day of school wasn't even that long ago.
i've been doing lots of designing lately...
1) fliers/signs for jeff (yay stuff for portfolio!)
2) a whole bunch of grid designs for 99... i had like 4 different designs. not 4 variations of one design, but rather 4 completely differing designs. good practice though.
3) after struggling so much with the 3rd project for 104, i think i've got it down. i wasn't thinking outside of my panels. like, i would constrict one panel to being red, and the next to being creamy-beige. but i realized that the idea is to break OUT of the panel construction, and so i obliterated the distinction between each panel.
i realized that my favorite color combo is red+cream+black. oooooh that's like my go-to now... but i really should mix things up :(
for next semester, i'm hoping to get into 105. perhaps with connie... i wanted to get miller, but today kim was like "you guys shouldn't stick with just one 'mentor,' but rather select a variety." i also want to take lighting (photo), arth70c (UGH not more art history...), aas33b (ugh more general history), and maybe a flash class at SJCC if i can fit that in. i got into an upper-div honors seminar on tuesday afternoons, so hopefully i'll find that class interesting. supposed to be about global citizenship and U.S. issues. i really need to be enlightened in that lol.
so, time for a grades analysis!
dsgd99: i keep getting A-'s on my projects. and usually for the stupidest things, i.e. using double-sided tape instead of spray mount, or having too tight letter-spacing for an author's name when that issue wasn't even brought up in any in-progress critiques -___- well let's hope i do well on the next projects because i will be pissed if i get an A- in this class -____-
dsgd104: i don't feel like kim spends as much helping me as he does everyone else in the class. like, i actually have to press him for help, i.e. today when he pointed out one thing to change, and he seemed like he was going to walk away. then i was like, "is there anything else that you would like me to change?" then he pointed something else out. like, if there's something he doesn't like in my piece, i'd rather he point it out during an in-progress critique rather than in the final critique, when i wouldn't be able to change it. but yeah anyway, i've been getting A-'s too. geeeez i've been trying really hard to get a solid A but it is difficult :( there'd be just ONE tiny little thing that he wouldn't like, but he wouldn't mention it during an in-progress.
aas33a: uhh i need to start working harder. lol. period. not really motivated, though... i think i either have a B+/A-. sigh. hate being on the crux!
color photo: too easy... i think everyone got A's on the last projects. really not worried abot this class at all lol
web design: ehhh. i don't care about my grade. i just want the knowledge. and honestly this class is really boring.. i just download her powerpoints and follow along with them, instead of with my professor.
...
soooo, ranking from most-need-to-work-on to least:
aas, 99, 104, web design, color photo.
BUT if it were a matter of priority, 104 and 99 would take it hands down.
i've been doing lots of designing lately...
1) fliers/signs for jeff (yay stuff for portfolio!)
2) a whole bunch of grid designs for 99... i had like 4 different designs. not 4 variations of one design, but rather 4 completely differing designs. good practice though.
3) after struggling so much with the 3rd project for 104, i think i've got it down. i wasn't thinking outside of my panels. like, i would constrict one panel to being red, and the next to being creamy-beige. but i realized that the idea is to break OUT of the panel construction, and so i obliterated the distinction between each panel.
i realized that my favorite color combo is red+cream+black. oooooh that's like my go-to now... but i really should mix things up :(
for next semester, i'm hoping to get into 105. perhaps with connie... i wanted to get miller, but today kim was like "you guys shouldn't stick with just one 'mentor,' but rather select a variety." i also want to take lighting (photo), arth70c (UGH not more art history...), aas33b (ugh more general history), and maybe a flash class at SJCC if i can fit that in. i got into an upper-div honors seminar on tuesday afternoons, so hopefully i'll find that class interesting. supposed to be about global citizenship and U.S. issues. i really need to be enlightened in that lol.
so, time for a grades analysis!
dsgd99: i keep getting A-'s on my projects. and usually for the stupidest things, i.e. using double-sided tape instead of spray mount, or having too tight letter-spacing for an author's name when that issue wasn't even brought up in any in-progress critiques -___- well let's hope i do well on the next projects because i will be pissed if i get an A- in this class -____-
dsgd104: i don't feel like kim spends as much helping me as he does everyone else in the class. like, i actually have to press him for help, i.e. today when he pointed out one thing to change, and he seemed like he was going to walk away. then i was like, "is there anything else that you would like me to change?" then he pointed something else out. like, if there's something he doesn't like in my piece, i'd rather he point it out during an in-progress critique rather than in the final critique, when i wouldn't be able to change it. but yeah anyway, i've been getting A-'s too. geeeez i've been trying really hard to get a solid A but it is difficult :( there'd be just ONE tiny little thing that he wouldn't like, but he wouldn't mention it during an in-progress.
aas33a: uhh i need to start working harder. lol. period. not really motivated, though... i think i either have a B+/A-. sigh. hate being on the crux!
color photo: too easy... i think everyone got A's on the last projects. really not worried abot this class at all lol
web design: ehhh. i don't care about my grade. i just want the knowledge. and honestly this class is really boring.. i just download her powerpoints and follow along with them, instead of with my professor.
...
soooo, ranking from most-need-to-work-on to least:
aas, 99, 104, web design, color photo.
BUT if it were a matter of priority, 104 and 99 would take it hands down.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
ten more miles
All the reasons in the world for me to turn around, but why can't I? I keep paddling, but I'm deluding myself. I think to myself, maybe a mile more and I'll turn around. But ten more go by and still I'm pushing forward. Well, this time I really will do it. I just need to find an area large enough to turn my canoe so I don't scrape the sides and possibly overturn.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
this wasn't supposed to happen again.
Never would have thought.
Let's say you're paddling down a creek. Up ahead, you see a branching-off of the creek. The other way looks more lush and promising, with beautiful scenery. You think, okay. I'll try it out. The branch-off of the creek is a little bit angled, so you're not going the same way you were.
Then you realize, as you paddle further along, that while this second creek seemed so scenic and tranquil at the fork, the beauty is actually tainted with buzzing wasps and mosquitoes. You grimly continue on, hoping you'll emerge out of the cloud of insects. After all, you don't know how much longer they'll endure. But that's the problem; they could stay for a couple of minutes more, or even the duration of the trip. You just don't know. And sometimes they'll fluctuate; you'll break into an area clear of the insects and breathe easily thinking that the worst of them are gone, but then there'll be another buzzing cloud just around the next bend. And then it hits you: the environment of this creek is actually what's drawing the wasps and mosquitoes.
So, what to do? Backtrack? Waste all that time and energy you just spent paddling down this beautiful creek that you YOURSELF chose? Is it worth it?
Would your original creek actually have been the right choice? Or would it just finish off in the middle of nowhere?
Let's say you're paddling down a creek. Up ahead, you see a branching-off of the creek. The other way looks more lush and promising, with beautiful scenery. You think, okay. I'll try it out. The branch-off of the creek is a little bit angled, so you're not going the same way you were.
Then you realize, as you paddle further along, that while this second creek seemed so scenic and tranquil at the fork, the beauty is actually tainted with buzzing wasps and mosquitoes. You grimly continue on, hoping you'll emerge out of the cloud of insects. After all, you don't know how much longer they'll endure. But that's the problem; they could stay for a couple of minutes more, or even the duration of the trip. You just don't know. And sometimes they'll fluctuate; you'll break into an area clear of the insects and breathe easily thinking that the worst of them are gone, but then there'll be another buzzing cloud just around the next bend. And then it hits you: the environment of this creek is actually what's drawing the wasps and mosquitoes.
So, what to do? Backtrack? Waste all that time and energy you just spent paddling down this beautiful creek that you YOURSELF chose? Is it worth it?
Would your original creek actually have been the right choice? Or would it just finish off in the middle of nowhere?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
person A
if A doesn't want to hang around with us, then let's let this person be. I feel that we're only annoying A when we try to keep in contact. I hate to say that I've given up, but I think it's a lost cause. It feels like A has dumped us for other people. If that's A's choice, so be it. I won't try. I'm not going to beg for this person to come back. B said that he felt annoyed by A's standoffness. I was surprised at first, but now I agree. It's starting to get annoying and a little rude.
If you're going to brush us off, then do it entirely. Don't leave us waiting around for you, because then we're just wasting our time. I would love to have you back again, but right now I'm just sick of this.
If you're going to brush us off, then do it entirely. Don't leave us waiting around for you, because then we're just wasting our time. I would love to have you back again, but right now I'm just sick of this.
catering form
Jeff commissioned me again! This time for a catering form. I hope he likes it. Yay for the experience!
Constructive criticism welcomed, of course.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
chivalry
little chivalrous acts make me happy, like guys letting me go first to get on the bus. i think that's so sweet. i try to reciprocate but it usually turns out being a little awkward because the guy always insists that i go first, so we hang around for a couple of seconds in front of the idling bus waiting for each other to get on.
sleep schedule
i have the weirdest sleep schedule.
mondays wednesdays: usually running on less than 3 hours of sleep sigh
tuesdays+thursdays: a lovely 10+ hours :D my faves
fridays: typically 7+
saturdays sundays: 10+ usually unless i have to do something in the morning
ahh sleep :D but not today :(
i love how my domo bag triples as a blanket and a pillow
mondays wednesdays: usually running on less than 3 hours of sleep sigh
tuesdays+thursdays: a lovely 10+ hours :D my faves
fridays: typically 7+
saturdays sundays: 10+ usually unless i have to do something in the morning
ahh sleep :D but not today :(
i love how my domo bag triples as a blanket and a pillow
photography purchases
I totally just depleted my photography savings account.. but that's okay because I'm getting my coveted FAST LENS!!!! It'll be awesome for portraiture and sports photography. the only downside to the lens is that it's not autofocus for my poor d40x. Well, maybe when Alex decides to sell his d90 to me... I'll get his camera ;D
I have $7 left in my photography savings account. $8.88 recurring deposit will hopefully rack up enough for the d90 when that happens!
I also purchased a clear protective Nikon lens and a Teffen circular polarizing filter. I did research on 'em for three hours so these had better be amazing purchases!
I have $7 left in my photography savings account. $8.88 recurring deposit will hopefully rack up enough for the d90 when that happens!
I also purchased a clear protective Nikon lens and a Teffen circular polarizing filter. I did research on 'em for three hours so these had better be amazing purchases!
Monday, October 4, 2010
sleepy
three hours of sleep. classes from 8:30am-6:20pm, exam at 1:30pm. work from 7pm-11pm.
looking forward to my sleep tomorrow :D
looking forward to my sleep tomorrow :D
Monday, September 27, 2010
happy but pissed
i got an A- on my first 99 assignment!!! my prof grades on a scale of 1-4, and i got 4's on concept, form, and objectives. WOOT!
... but then i got a 3 on execution. -__- man! i was warned that my prof was a stickler on craftsmanship, so i tried very hard to make everything perfect. blackest black inks, perfect cutting, double-sided tape, etc. unfortunately i got stingy with my tape and didn't tape every centimeter down. he noticed and marked me down -_________-
final grade could have been a solid A :( maybe he will let me turn it in again!
edit. no redo, but if i glue down all the sides, it'll be featured in a show along with half a dozen others :)
... but then i got a 3 on execution. -__- man! i was warned that my prof was a stickler on craftsmanship, so i tried very hard to make everything perfect. blackest black inks, perfect cutting, double-sided tape, etc. unfortunately i got stingy with my tape and didn't tape every centimeter down. he noticed and marked me down -_________-
final grade could have been a solid A :( maybe he will let me turn it in again!
edit. no redo, but if i glue down all the sides, it'll be featured in a show along with half a dozen others :)
Sunday, September 26, 2010
a me day
My throat is still raw. Screaming at badminton didn't help at all, but today's badminton was one of the best I've had in a long time. Almost five hours of playing, with very short breaks in beween :)
I want a whole day to myself, a me day. I haven't had one of those ever since school started. I can think of a lot of ways to spend this me day.
1) Clothing alterations... and maybe even getting to make my dresses/skirts for which I've purchased materials, but haven't fashioned yet
2) A cup of Quickly at Borders, devouring new manga, in a cozy armchair :)
3) Thrifting for some lovely finds :)
4) Relaxing at home with no parents around, watching my dramas/TV shows on youtube :)
Such lazy selfish days I seek, but they sound so very enticing.
I want a whole day to myself, a me day. I haven't had one of those ever since school started. I can think of a lot of ways to spend this me day.
1) Clothing alterations... and maybe even getting to make my dresses/skirts for which I've purchased materials, but haven't fashioned yet
2) A cup of Quickly at Borders, devouring new manga, in a cozy armchair :)
3) Thrifting for some lovely finds :)
4) Relaxing at home with no parents around, watching my dramas/TV shows on youtube :)
Such lazy selfish days I seek, but they sound so very enticing.
shopping!
my goodness i absolutely love these!!!
$24.99+shipping. hmm i dunno if i will wear it often enough to merit the price. it's cute but i'm not big on jewelry other than earrings. i've been wanting a simple watch for a while, though.
$30.33, free shipping. loooooooooooooooove!! this belt. i've been looking for an obi-style belt for a while. i could make one out of regular cloth, but leather just looks the best.
hmm i need to save money though. maybe when i rack up enough in my shopping savings account ($8.88 every week, recurring deposit from my checking account :D) the money in this account is for splurges on items i really love, haha. but ONLY using the money in this account.
i have a savings account for photography, too (again, $8.88 recurring deposit every week). i think i have around $150 saved up now. not enough for my d90 yet!
on the other hand, my superdonttouch savings account has over 1k :D i'm happy. i so don't want to touch even a penny in this account, though. i mean, maybe only for extreme things i really need, like a laptop or something. just not for going out nor shopping. no frivolous purchases!
abrupt end of financial musings :)
$24.99+shipping. hmm i dunno if i will wear it often enough to merit the price. it's cute but i'm not big on jewelry other than earrings. i've been wanting a simple watch for a while, though.
$30.33, free shipping. loooooooooooooooove!! this belt. i've been looking for an obi-style belt for a while. i could make one out of regular cloth, but leather just looks the best.
hmm i need to save money though. maybe when i rack up enough in my shopping savings account ($8.88 every week, recurring deposit from my checking account :D) the money in this account is for splurges on items i really love, haha. but ONLY using the money in this account.
i have a savings account for photography, too (again, $8.88 recurring deposit every week). i think i have around $150 saved up now. not enough for my d90 yet!
on the other hand, my superdonttouch savings account has over 1k :D i'm happy. i so don't want to touch even a penny in this account, though. i mean, maybe only for extreme things i really need, like a laptop or something. just not for going out nor shopping. no frivolous purchases!
abrupt end of financial musings :)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
yogurtland
7 hours of straight, nonstop working. 7 hours of straight, nonstop talking--sometimes yelling over the little kids screaming. The feeling when I sit down at the end of all this? Amazing.
I sound like someone ran over my throat, but I love work.
So not in the mood for drama after such a long day.
I sound like someone ran over my throat, but I love work.
So not in the mood for drama after such a long day.
Monday, September 20, 2010
poo
only one day of work this week! :( work is too fun to work only one day. i miss my toppings+yogurt haha. and i don't think jeff will schedule two people for a weekend night shift anymore :( no more working with karen or bernice. and i think i would like to try working a morning shift soon.
well. time to look for internships!
anyhoo. it's a couple weeks into school and i need to get my butt moving. easiest class is probably color photo--it's so chill. uhh, maybe a bit TOO chill.
easiest -> hardest: color photo, dsgd99, aas, dsgd104
most boring-> most fun: AAS!!!!OMG, 99, 104, color photo
chill! -> NEEDTOWORKONNOW: color photo, 99, aas, 104
okay that was pretty pointless haha.
>^ am i a sick person for thinking that this is really cute?
well. time to look for internships!
anyhoo. it's a couple weeks into school and i need to get my butt moving. easiest class is probably color photo--it's so chill. uhh, maybe a bit TOO chill.
easiest -> hardest: color photo, dsgd99, aas, dsgd104
most boring-> most fun: AAS!!!!OMG, 99, 104, color photo
chill! -> NEEDTOWORKONNOW: color photo, 99, aas, 104
okay that was pretty pointless haha.
^ i am a man among men!
too bad i can't read what it says other than my name.
>^ am i a sick person for thinking that this is really cute?
wow this was a pretty random post.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
life update
1. school is keeping me awesomely busy! now that i'm actually starting my major classes, i'm just realizing that the fundamental art classes are so so so lenient/easy. or at least, EASIER compared. dsgd104 is such a super important class in which i must excel, because it could make me or break me for bfa graphic design (and i really want to get in!). i'm taking it so seriously that it's actually starting to impair my creativity, because i want to get it RIGHT. i even got into a design rut for dsgd99 (typo) because i'd throw out anything i made. luckily, my friends convinced me to go to the project 1 critique that the bfa students were hosting, so they could help out us undergrads. i got a lot of really important and helpful feedback, and i'm eager to hit adobe illustrator for some designing!
here's what i'm working on for 104.
live trace not permitted!
it still needs a bit more work, but this is harder than i thought it would be -___- it's hard to please my professors.
and i think i will purchase a mac :)
2. franny, alan, and eric gave me their permit for the parking garage :) now it's such a breeze to flit back and forth from home/SJSU/SJCC/work. i mean it's a pain to park in their garage because there are columns and walls all over the place and it's SUPER CRAMPED, but i think i improved my parking/driving skills hehe
3. i miss working so much :( it's like a super social vacation away from school life, because my coworkers are so crazy haha. i feel guilty working only two days a week because if i'm shift lead, then i should probably be working more. ah well jeff is okay with it... i don't have plans to quit yogurtland anytime soon because it's probably the most fun job i've had yet, but i will have to leave once i get my design internship. sigh!
4. i feel like i'm always coming to this decision. i've had to make this kind of decision more than a few times (actually every single time), and now i'll probably have to go through with the whole ordeal again. i'll give it some more time so i'll make absolutely sure i want this. i doubt i'm unsure, though. i've been thinking about this for quite a while, but the thought's always been floating at the back of my mind. don't wanna waste my time waiting around for something that's not gonna happen.
5. thinking about cutting my hair? i'm a little sick of my hair. most of the time i like the length, but othertimes i wish that it'd actually have a real style. i'm kind of over with the whole sidesweptbang+longlayers thing. i'm thinking long blunter cut with full bangs? right now i'm slowly growing out my bangs so i may wait a little bit more.
6. can't wait to donate blood :)
here's what i'm working on for 104.
live trace not permitted!
it still needs a bit more work, but this is harder than i thought it would be -___- it's hard to please my professors.
and i think i will purchase a mac :)
2. franny, alan, and eric gave me their permit for the parking garage :) now it's such a breeze to flit back and forth from home/SJSU/SJCC/work. i mean it's a pain to park in their garage because there are columns and walls all over the place and it's SUPER CRAMPED, but i think i improved my parking/driving skills hehe
3. i miss working so much :( it's like a super social vacation away from school life, because my coworkers are so crazy haha. i feel guilty working only two days a week because if i'm shift lead, then i should probably be working more. ah well jeff is okay with it... i don't have plans to quit yogurtland anytime soon because it's probably the most fun job i've had yet, but i will have to leave once i get my design internship. sigh!
4. i feel like i'm always coming to this decision. i've had to make this kind of decision more than a few times (actually every single time), and now i'll probably have to go through with the whole ordeal again. i'll give it some more time so i'll make absolutely sure i want this. i doubt i'm unsure, though. i've been thinking about this for quite a while, but the thought's always been floating at the back of my mind. don't wanna waste my time waiting around for something that's not gonna happen.
5. thinking about cutting my hair? i'm a little sick of my hair. most of the time i like the length, but othertimes i wish that it'd actually have a real style. i'm kind of over with the whole sidesweptbang+longlayers thing. i'm thinking long blunter cut with full bangs? right now i'm slowly growing out my bangs so i may wait a little bit more.
6. can't wait to donate blood :)
Monday, September 6, 2010
broken plans
I hate it when I lay out my plans perfectly but get screwed over by others. Today was supposed to be a nice jam-packed day of three different events -- lunch with the girls, a quick drop-in at piedmont open gym (plus picking up Trevor at the lightrail at 4pm), and drive Diane to Stockton while doing a photoshoot with Eric at the wind pass (leave open gym at 5ish, allow half an hour for Mama to supply Diane with food, pick up Eric at his apartment, commence driving to Stockton at 6ish, and get to the wind pass around 7pm--perfect lighting with half an hour to spare). Lunch with Thannie and Jen went perfectly. Trevor and Truman decided not to go to open gym, so that sucked but was no biggie. Diane and i got a little held up before going to open gym because we had to stop at Mikey's, but that was fine. Then I practically had to drag Diane out of the gym because she didn't want to leave, even though I told her many times beforehand that we had to leave at 5:15. Then I planned for us to leave the house at 5:40, leaving plenty of padding time for Diane to shower and for Mama to finish preparing food for Diane. THEN Mama decided to come along to make sure that we're driving okay. I tried to talk her out of it, but she said that I was being selfish (if Mama came along, Eric would not come, so there goes the photoshoot). I called Eric and asked if he still wanted to go; understandably, he didn't. It's 6:30, Mama decided not to go after all, and Diane and Papa just left. We would probably have gotten to the wind pass at 7:30, which is right when the sun sets and definitely isn't enough time for photoshooting.
I mean, I understand that even the best-laid plans go awry, but I can't help feeling so disappointed. I was definitely looking forward to this photoshoot. Sigh, I need some retail therapy. very sad :(
I mean, I understand that even the best-laid plans go awry, but I can't help feeling so disappointed. I was definitely looking forward to this photoshoot. Sigh, I need some retail therapy. very sad :(
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
the downfalls of being a workaholic
Unfortunately, concentrating on one part of my life makes me lose touch with the rest. School is bigbigbig right now, work is a side dish, and badminton is weakly trailing behind. I really want to do well in school, so I'm pouring in my hours. For work, I think I've already reached my peak; now it's just something to break up the monotony of school whilst simultaneously filling my wallet. Badminton is something I'm very sad about. I feel like I'm losing touch with my badminton friends, and especially my skills. I'm so rusty that I can't even be considered rusty anymore, but merely downgraded. Doesn't that suck? To improve on this aspect of my life, I need to invest in more time, but that time is currently being spent on school and work. And it's hard to find people to play with when I'm this rusty; I don't want to drag any of my old partners down, but I don't want to settle with someone who can't clear/smash. I hate to be selfish, but I do want to get better. I miss my badminton friends; I feel like they're drifting away from me and they don't even realize it.
If only there were more hours in a day :(
If only there were more hours in a day :(
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
productive summer?
Life is much more fulfilling when i spend my time productively :) I don't want to look back on my summer and think, "Wow. I did nothing." I want to be proud of myself.
I'm pretty happy about this summer. work is becoming more and more natural to me, and customers have been telling me that I'm always happy and friendly whenever they see me. that makes me happy that i've made a good impression on them. I've made earrings for just about all the girls at Yogurtland, which is actually quite bonding. in addition, i've been working on my photography. i must've taken at least two thousand--maybe three thousand--pictures this summer, and I got my first paid photography gig by Alex for his badminton lessons in fremont. so far it's turning out pretty well; it's pretty good practice. sports photography isn't as fun nor as demanding as fashion photography, but it's good to add to my arsenal.
my efforts in school have paid off too; I finally got the Jack Sen scholarship thingie (what a pleasant change from my high school years!), but I have to give a speech -___- I'll be representing the college students, and I only hope that I won't sound stupid. Yesterday when my parents and I went to their office to purchase dinner tickets, the Jack Sen people said that I should compete in their Miss SF Chinatown pageant. My mom really wants me to (she's even willing to buy the cheongsam dress and everything, which is very out of character for her) but I don't want to open myself up to public scrutiny -_- it'll just make me insecure. Plus I'll have to work out and get alls toned and everything. too much work but it sounds like it'd be fun!
i finished my domo bag but i have a strong urge to make more :D and i still haven't gotten to work on my dresses yet! i need more time!
I'm pretty happy about this summer. work is becoming more and more natural to me, and customers have been telling me that I'm always happy and friendly whenever they see me. that makes me happy that i've made a good impression on them. I've made earrings for just about all the girls at Yogurtland, which is actually quite bonding. in addition, i've been working on my photography. i must've taken at least two thousand--maybe three thousand--pictures this summer, and I got my first paid photography gig by Alex for his badminton lessons in fremont. so far it's turning out pretty well; it's pretty good practice. sports photography isn't as fun nor as demanding as fashion photography, but it's good to add to my arsenal.
my efforts in school have paid off too; I finally got the Jack Sen scholarship thingie (what a pleasant change from my high school years!), but I have to give a speech -___- I'll be representing the college students, and I only hope that I won't sound stupid. Yesterday when my parents and I went to their office to purchase dinner tickets, the Jack Sen people said that I should compete in their Miss SF Chinatown pageant. My mom really wants me to (she's even willing to buy the cheongsam dress and everything, which is very out of character for her) but I don't want to open myself up to public scrutiny -_- it'll just make me insecure. Plus I'll have to work out and get alls toned and everything. too much work but it sounds like it'd be fun!
i finished my domo bag but i have a strong urge to make more :D and i still haven't gotten to work on my dresses yet! i need more time!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
random things i like
1. first day of school with fresh notebooks in a newly-packed bag
2. using giftcards so i don't feel like i'm spending money
3. having a huge study session on the 8th floor of the library armed with paper, pens, highlighters, my ipod, and a Quickly/thermos
4. going to school wearing a big sweatshirt and comfy boots
5. going to school wearing a ruffly skirt or dress
6. buying a new shade of nail polish
7. lip/cheek stains in general: their simpleness and effectiveness
8. receiving flowers; something very sweet and classic about it
9. sitting in my sweats/PJs, fresh from the shower, after a long day
10. going to bed in the winter and snuggling in three layers of blankets
11. watching movies at night, wrapped in a blanket, with yummy snacks nearby
12. waking up in the morning and realizing that i still have an hour to sleep
13. vacuuming my room and watching everything get sucked up
14. going on organizing sprees
15. uberwarm days at the beach
16. blasting driver-douches with my horn
17. random acts of gentlemanly/chivalric kindness (!)
18. when i get to the bus stop right in time for the bus to approach seconds later
2. using giftcards so i don't feel like i'm spending money
3. having a huge study session on the 8th floor of the library armed with paper, pens, highlighters, my ipod, and a Quickly/thermos
4. going to school wearing a big sweatshirt and comfy boots
5. going to school wearing a ruffly skirt or dress
6. buying a new shade of nail polish
7. lip/cheek stains in general: their simpleness and effectiveness
8. receiving flowers; something very sweet and classic about it
9. sitting in my sweats/PJs, fresh from the shower, after a long day
10. going to bed in the winter and snuggling in three layers of blankets
11. watching movies at night, wrapped in a blanket, with yummy snacks nearby
12. waking up in the morning and realizing that i still have an hour to sleep
13. vacuuming my room and watching everything get sucked up
14. going on organizing sprees
15. uberwarm days at the beach
16. blasting driver-douches with my horn
17. random acts of gentlemanly/chivalric kindness (!)
18. when i get to the bus stop right in time for the bus to approach seconds later
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
gaston boots!
Found my dream black Gaston boots! Found them randomly while I was picking up a waterproofing spray from DSW. I splurged for them, yes, but I love them so much!! Super soft leather in the exact style for which I was looking. They fit me like a glove! I had to call like 3-4 stores before locating them in my size, but it was sooo worth it! Can't wait to wear them in the fall hehehe. I'll pay them off in 3-4 days at Yogurtland. -_-
Time to go on a no-buy...
Time to go on a no-buy...
Monday, June 28, 2010
june
- Yogurtland has been keeping me really busy! But I am not complaining. The pay is good, the people are nice, the boss is chill, and I'm never hungry (heehee). I got the promotion I wanted and I'm happy where I am.
- I have a lot of sewing projects on which I would like to embark, but I can't muster up enough time to work on them.
- Need to train for badminton.
- I learned my lesson again...the hard way. I need to be smarter. Always, always, always collect the money first, or I'll come up short. A really good lesson.
- I want to make more earrings. :)
- I have a lot of sewing projects on which I would like to embark, but I can't muster up enough time to work on them.
- Need to train for badminton.
- I learned my lesson again...the hard way. I need to be smarter. Always, always, always collect the money first, or I'll come up short. A really good lesson.
- I want to make more earrings. :)
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
spring 2010 grades
YES YES YES!!!
I was really worried that I would get below a 93% on the arth final; if I got below, then I would have gotten an A- or lower. I'm proud of myself, I have to say! All those long, long hours in the library and money spent at the printshop making/printing/writing/studying notecards or the books. I think this calls for a little treat! A shopping treat ;D
Really relieved.
Freaking rep drawing!!! I guess I shouldn't have forgotten to do that one stupid shoelace drawing :( If I had done it, I probably would have gotten an A. Sigh. Killed my chances for getting on the President's List (for like, getting a 4.0 for two consecutive semesters). -__-
DsGD83 - Barabar, when will you post up the grades? :( I'm a little worried that I'll get a B+/A- because my animation didn't work in my PowerPoint.
Nutrition - yay! I didn't study as hard for Nutrition as I did for arth, so I was worried that I was underestimating the test. No matter.
All in all, I guess I'm proud of my effort in this semester. I'm grateful for Franny (for taking notes for me in arth when i fell asleep hehehehe... and telling me the assignments if i missed dsgd83) and the fact that I only had four classes.
Next semester... aiming for a 4.0 in five classes (four studio classes, one GE). I'll try my best!!!!
I was really worried that I would get below a 93% on the arth final; if I got below, then I would have gotten an A- or lower. I'm proud of myself, I have to say! All those long, long hours in the library and money spent at the printshop making/printing/writing/studying notecards or the books. I think this calls for a little treat! A shopping treat ;D
Really relieved.
Freaking rep drawing!!! I guess I shouldn't have forgotten to do that one stupid shoelace drawing :( If I had done it, I probably would have gotten an A. Sigh. Killed my chances for getting on the President's List (for like, getting a 4.0 for two consecutive semesters). -__-
DsGD83 - Barabar, when will you post up the grades? :( I'm a little worried that I'll get a B+/A- because my animation didn't work in my PowerPoint.
Nutrition - yay! I didn't study as hard for Nutrition as I did for arth, so I was worried that I was underestimating the test. No matter.
All in all, I guess I'm proud of my effort in this semester. I'm grateful for Franny (for taking notes for me in arth when i fell asleep hehehehe... and telling me the assignments if i missed dsgd83) and the fact that I only had four classes.
Next semester... aiming for a 4.0 in five classes (four studio classes, one GE). I'll try my best!!!!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
the shopping bug
The shopping bug bit me REALLY badly this time!! Months have passed since I've actually added some lovely pieces to my wardrobe.
or sold out.
I've been drooling over vintage 50's-style dresses for a while now, but never found the perfect one. Modcloth has such beautiful dresses, but from what I've read, they're of low quality.
BUT THEY'RE SO PRETTY!!!!
SOOO PRETTY! but $50.
so cruel that they have to be out of my price range...
or sold out.
actually that's a good thing, hahaha.
okay, BACK TO STUDYING. -__-
Friday, May 21, 2010
last stretch
Nothing like a few minutes online as a nice refreshing break away from art history. And nutrition; I got in one good chapter of reading during dinner. What a productive day! Seven hours at the library just studying pure art history. I feel a little bit elated and satisfied that I slashed into so much of the work that I needed to do.
Tomorrow I need to get in at least 3-4 chapters of nutrition. Study guides for every chapter should do it; one hour for each chapter, tops. Shouldn't be too bad; the first 2/3 of the class should be a breeze because the questions are pulled from our earlier tests, which Franny and Eric and I reviewed last week during office hours. I won't concentrate too much on those. I also want to go over the questions and discussions on Blackboard, just to make sure I've covered everything important.
Tomorrow I also need to finish writing out the rest of my study guides for Art History--I'm still stuck in the last dredges of Art Nouveau--but I only have Germany and Japonisme left and they're fairly shorter than Art Nouveau. Then I just need to memorize the rest of the notecards and I'm set. Almost there. It's so relaxing on the 8th floor with a whole table to myself, handwritten pages fanned around me, and piano music tinkling away in the background. Or rather, in my ears. Now if only they let me pull my snacks out ... lol.
Now, I plan for Sunday to be much of the same, except more Nutrition-oriented since the final is, after all, on Monday. I'll throw in a little bit of Art History studying, as well--why not?
I like chocolate.
Tomorrow I need to get in at least 3-4 chapters of nutrition. Study guides for every chapter should do it; one hour for each chapter, tops. Shouldn't be too bad; the first 2/3 of the class should be a breeze because the questions are pulled from our earlier tests, which Franny and Eric and I reviewed last week during office hours. I won't concentrate too much on those. I also want to go over the questions and discussions on Blackboard, just to make sure I've covered everything important.
Tomorrow I also need to finish writing out the rest of my study guides for Art History--I'm still stuck in the last dredges of Art Nouveau--but I only have Germany and Japonisme left and they're fairly shorter than Art Nouveau. Then I just need to memorize the rest of the notecards and I'm set. Almost there. It's so relaxing on the 8th floor with a whole table to myself, handwritten pages fanned around me, and piano music tinkling away in the background. Or rather, in my ears. Now if only they let me pull my snacks out ... lol.
Now, I plan for Sunday to be much of the same, except more Nutrition-oriented since the final is, after all, on Monday. I'll throw in a little bit of Art History studying, as well--why not?
I like chocolate.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
mind dump - finals and yogurtland
I got the job at Yogurtland!!
So I walked in today at 11am to fill out forms, and immediately I see a bunch of really pretty girls and ONE guy sitting at the tables and filling out the work forms. There are about 8-9 of us in all, and I just can't shake the feeling that I'm at a modeling agency or something. It was so ANTM. Short-shorts, long shiny hair, slender legs, pretty faces, lots of makeup, etc. Well, this is just my first impression and everyone probably dressed up, anyway, so we'll see how it goes. And everyone was so shy!! I was really the only one asking questions, etc. But it will be fun, I think, once we all start. And no one has any advantage over the other in terms of experience at Yogurtland--we're all new to the business. I find that refreshing because there tended to be some elitism ranking at Tommy Hilfiger depending on how long you had worked there.
Anyhoo, my summer is set! Can't wait.
As for finals...
ART HISTORY is my major stressor. With about 200+ slides (NOT 169 as I had previously assumed; I hadn't factored in like the pictures from thebooks and two more sections) to memorize, I have my work cut out for me. It's tedious making the notecards and writing/typing out review sheets or study sheets. It's honestly a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, really. I don't mind helping my friends out. But with so many slides to go over and only about a week before the finals, I'll be needing as much time as I can get with the notecards. I don't want people to blame me for their not doing well on the test, if I couldn't give them the notecards for a certain number of days.
For at least an A in the class, I NEED above a 93%. I'm currently sitting at 92 or 93--an A-. I already have an A- in Representational Drawing. I don't want another A- to bring down my GPA. That's why I'm going to crack down on myself.
Nutrition--I'm not really that worried because I'm pretty sure I have a 97 or 98% in the class. If I want an A+, I'll try really hard for the final by reading the entire book. However, if I only want an A, an A- should be fine.
Graphic Design--Just need to work on my portfolio and everything should be okay. Not a big deal.
Note: As of now, I'm only aware of a few close friends reading my blog. Think of this as my online diary/rant dump instead of a public open-mike session. My posts tend to be truly honest and I only write what I'm really feeling. I won't let anyone tell me to keep my feelings to myself. I understand if I'm cursing out somebody or just plain insulting someone--that's WAY out of line--but I believe that talking about my feelings is perfectly justifiable. If you don't like what I write, then don't read it. It's not like it's the end of the world; just my own humble opinion.
So I walked in today at 11am to fill out forms, and immediately I see a bunch of really pretty girls and ONE guy sitting at the tables and filling out the work forms. There are about 8-9 of us in all, and I just can't shake the feeling that I'm at a modeling agency or something. It was so ANTM. Short-shorts, long shiny hair, slender legs, pretty faces, lots of makeup, etc. Well, this is just my first impression and everyone probably dressed up, anyway, so we'll see how it goes. And everyone was so shy!! I was really the only one asking questions, etc. But it will be fun, I think, once we all start. And no one has any advantage over the other in terms of experience at Yogurtland--we're all new to the business. I find that refreshing because there tended to be some elitism ranking at Tommy Hilfiger depending on how long you had worked there.
Anyhoo, my summer is set! Can't wait.
As for finals...
ART HISTORY is my major stressor. With about 200+ slides (NOT 169 as I had previously assumed; I hadn't factored in like the pictures from thebooks and two more sections) to memorize, I have my work cut out for me. It's tedious making the notecards and writing/typing out review sheets or study sheets. It's honestly a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, really. I don't mind helping my friends out. But with so many slides to go over and only about a week before the finals, I'll be needing as much time as I can get with the notecards. I don't want people to blame me for their not doing well on the test, if I couldn't give them the notecards for a certain number of days.
For at least an A in the class, I NEED above a 93%. I'm currently sitting at 92 or 93--an A-. I already have an A- in Representational Drawing. I don't want another A- to bring down my GPA. That's why I'm going to crack down on myself.
Nutrition--I'm not really that worried because I'm pretty sure I have a 97 or 98% in the class. If I want an A+, I'll try really hard for the final by reading the entire book. However, if I only want an A, an A- should be fine.
Graphic Design--Just need to work on my portfolio and everything should be okay. Not a big deal.
Note: As of now, I'm only aware of a few close friends reading my blog. Think of this as my online diary/rant dump instead of a public open-mike session. My posts tend to be truly honest and I only write what I'm really feeling. I won't let anyone tell me to keep my feelings to myself. I understand if I'm cursing out somebody or just plain insulting someone--that's WAY out of line--but I believe that talking about my feelings is perfectly justifiable. If you don't like what I write, then don't read it. It's not like it's the end of the world; just my own humble opinion.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
can't wait for summer!!!
Just waiting for summer to come!! I can't wait.
- web design class at SJCC. I really need to learn this stuff to get ahead.
- maybe a job at Yogurtland?? I have to get there at 11am tomorrow to meet the assistant manager. I think this is the second round of interviews or something.
- Six Flags!!! For Franny's bday.
- Perhaps a road trip to socal?? I know I keep saying this, but it never seems to happen. IT WILL HAPPEN!! Photoshooting, Highway 1, visiting Thannie, San Diego Zoo!
- MAYBE a week alone at home???? My parents might take a cruise ship up to Alaska or something!
- The summer dresses, the skirts!! :D
- Fashion photoshooting! So excited for this, STILL.
- I still want to bike across the Golden Gate bridge. ahaha -__-
- Summer badminton tournaments!!
So looking forward to summer!!!!
If I'm getting the Yogurtland job, I have a bunch of things in mind that I've been meaning to get, for various reasons.
1) FAST LENS. $150!! I feel like I could really use this for fashion photography, portraits, etc.--the parts of photography in which I'm really interested.
2) If I get the dough for this: Nikon d90 camera. Not getting my hopes up too high though--it's really expensive! But it would be so worth it for sports photography...
3) iPod cover. It's so banged up...
4) I've been really wanting to get black Gaston boots, for like half a year!! I'm so lame.
5) Brown/ivory flats. My trusty black flats don't go with everything. And while I'm at it, a new pair of black flats, because my one cherished pair is wheezing its last breath.
If I had to rank these by priority, I would say: fast lens, black flats, brown/ivory flats, black Gaston boots, iPod cover, the d90.
Brain fart!
- web design class at SJCC. I really need to learn this stuff to get ahead.
- maybe a job at Yogurtland?? I have to get there at 11am tomorrow to meet the assistant manager. I think this is the second round of interviews or something.
- Six Flags!!! For Franny's bday.
- Perhaps a road trip to socal?? I know I keep saying this, but it never seems to happen. IT WILL HAPPEN!! Photoshooting, Highway 1, visiting Thannie, San Diego Zoo!
- MAYBE a week alone at home???? My parents might take a cruise ship up to Alaska or something!
- The summer dresses, the skirts!! :D
- Fashion photoshooting! So excited for this, STILL.
- I still want to bike across the Golden Gate bridge. ahaha -__-
- Summer badminton tournaments!!
So looking forward to summer!!!!
If I'm getting the Yogurtland job, I have a bunch of things in mind that I've been meaning to get, for various reasons.
1) FAST LENS. $150!! I feel like I could really use this for fashion photography, portraits, etc.--the parts of photography in which I'm really interested.
2) If I get the dough for this: Nikon d90 camera. Not getting my hopes up too high though--it's really expensive! But it would be so worth it for sports photography...
3) iPod cover. It's so banged up...
4) I've been really wanting to get black Gaston boots, for like half a year!! I'm so lame.
5) Brown/ivory flats. My trusty black flats don't go with everything. And while I'm at it, a new pair of black flats, because my one cherished pair is wheezing its last breath.
If I had to rank these by priority, I would say: fast lens, black flats, brown/ivory flats, black Gaston boots, iPod cover, the d90.
Brain fart!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
productivity!
I'm feeling sooo accomplished! for once ahaha.
Checked out summer classes, applied for two internships, fixed up my resume, cleaned up some examples of my design work, looked up volunteer opportunities, and applied for two jobs. whew. This summer I want to keep myself busy and productive.
I definitely want to take web design. I'm not sure if I'm going to take web design at SJSU for my major (I probably will) but I want to get ahead of the game by taking it at SJCC. I can't take any more GEs from SJCC, though. sad :(
I then applied to a design internship in Milpitas and to a graphic design internship online for LIVE Magazine. I really really wanted the magazine internship one really badly!! Unfortunately they never even got my e-mail; the provided e-mail address was totally full and my e-mail was rerouted. Ugh. I guess everyone else really wanted it too -__- I will settle for the Milpitas one--it's better than nothing, but not really what I want to do I think. They're focusing on signs and I really want to do magazine layout work. It's $12 an hour which is decent.
Then in case the internship falls out, I applied for two jobs: guest services at Great America and a spot at the new Yogurtland in Milpitas. I REALLY WANT TO WORK AT YOGURTLAND!!! :D:D:D:D It won't give me as much experience as the guest services one at Great America, but it would probably be a lot of fun! The Great America one is a backup plan and should improve my customer service skills.
Then if ALL OF THEM fall out, I will settle for a volunteering position at Happy Hollow Park or a tutoring position somewhere. Ugh.
New productive me, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!
Checked out summer classes, applied for two internships, fixed up my resume, cleaned up some examples of my design work, looked up volunteer opportunities, and applied for two jobs. whew. This summer I want to keep myself busy and productive.
I definitely want to take web design. I'm not sure if I'm going to take web design at SJSU for my major (I probably will) but I want to get ahead of the game by taking it at SJCC. I can't take any more GEs from SJCC, though. sad :(
I then applied to a design internship in Milpitas and to a graphic design internship online for LIVE Magazine. I really really wanted the magazine internship one really badly!! Unfortunately they never even got my e-mail; the provided e-mail address was totally full and my e-mail was rerouted. Ugh. I guess everyone else really wanted it too -__- I will settle for the Milpitas one--it's better than nothing, but not really what I want to do I think. They're focusing on signs and I really want to do magazine layout work. It's $12 an hour which is decent.
Then in case the internship falls out, I applied for two jobs: guest services at Great America and a spot at the new Yogurtland in Milpitas. I REALLY WANT TO WORK AT YOGURTLAND!!! :D:D:D:D It won't give me as much experience as the guest services one at Great America, but it would probably be a lot of fun! The Great America one is a backup plan and should improve my customer service skills.
Then if ALL OF THEM fall out, I will settle for a volunteering position at Happy Hollow Park or a tutoring position somewhere. Ugh.
New productive me, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
regret
Am I going out with a child or a man?
Stop using me and grow up. Did I make the right decision?
I regret using this blog as a complaint outlet so much--I need to make it more positive.
Stop using me and grow up. Did I make the right decision?
I regret using this blog as a complaint outlet so much--I need to make it more positive.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
always the same
I just really, really, really want to move out. Dealing with my mom everyday is getting to be such a hassle and an emotional strain.
1. I can't go anywhere without worrying whether she's going to yell at me or make me feel guilty. I would be about to leave the house and she'd jump up and scream "WHERE ARE YOU GOING" like I'm committing a sin. Can't even go to Target/friend's house without an interrogation. And finally when I insist I have to go to something like badminton or to do an errand, she'll sit back down and mutter snidely about my wasting gas, being lazy, useless, etc.
2. Even her presence in the house makes me feel cautious. Let's say my dad and I are home alone while she's out getting groceries or doing her exercise thing at the library. I'd be at the computer or whatever, and I would hear her key turning in the lock. This sound alone is enough to make me straighten my back, fix my hair, check the surrounding area to make sure it's neat, etc. Too many bad experiences when she yelled at me immediately upon returning home. I don't feel comfortable doing anything when she's in the house.
3. When I'm out, I always feel a burning need to return home just so my mom won't rage at me or call me nonstop if I'm out "too late."
4. If I buy something, something small, even something like cotton balls, I hide it in my purse and try to sneak it into the house so she won't freak out. "Aah, shopping AGAIN. What a big money-waster. Oh well, that's just how she is. Doesn't think about the future at all! Useless."
5. I can't recall how many times she's called me useless/reckless/lazy/stupid/a liar. I'm so sick of having her put me down for something so little, like a) showering late, b) forgetting to do a chore, c) cutting my friends' hair and not washing the tools thoroughly afterward, d) not haggling with my friend for his camera, e) so much more...
I remember when my aunt from Canada came over last year. She was there one morning when my mom went into a tirade against me, and kept trying to shush her. Later as we both stood outside by the car, she told me that she would be so lucky and happy to have a daughter like me. I had never felt more touched nor cared for; I wanted to cry. I always feel like crying whenever I remember this. I imagined what it would be like to have a mom as caring and kind as my aunt; I desperately wished this would happen.
My God, my mom is turning into her mother. Loud, ostentatious, demanding, cranky all the time, etc. I look at my mom now and I'm always so taken aback by how much she's aged. She's starting to look exactly like my perpetually-cranky grandmother, the one who liked hitting me for no reason when I was a toddler. It's like in my eyes, she's lost the youth and (relative) mellowness of the mom ten years ago. Does age do this to people?
She despises how busy I am, what my hobbies are, and the friends I have. I can't do anything with her dragging me back all the time. My room is my sanctuary which she enjoys rooting through and invading. My dad might allow her to scream at him and order him around, but I definitely don't want to passively submit to her insolent demands. Seeing as I'm living under her roof, I'm pretty much forced to do so for the time being.
I feel like she's the root of any insecurities or emotional problems I might have. So much unnecessary stress because of her. I wish she could be more like other moms.
At least three years before I have an excuse to move out. Then finally I could enjoy the freedom I tasted this January. Such a blissful, blissful month.
1. I can't go anywhere without worrying whether she's going to yell at me or make me feel guilty. I would be about to leave the house and she'd jump up and scream "WHERE ARE YOU GOING" like I'm committing a sin. Can't even go to Target/friend's house without an interrogation. And finally when I insist I have to go to something like badminton or to do an errand, she'll sit back down and mutter snidely about my wasting gas, being lazy, useless, etc.
2. Even her presence in the house makes me feel cautious. Let's say my dad and I are home alone while she's out getting groceries or doing her exercise thing at the library. I'd be at the computer or whatever, and I would hear her key turning in the lock. This sound alone is enough to make me straighten my back, fix my hair, check the surrounding area to make sure it's neat, etc. Too many bad experiences when she yelled at me immediately upon returning home. I don't feel comfortable doing anything when she's in the house.
3. When I'm out, I always feel a burning need to return home just so my mom won't rage at me or call me nonstop if I'm out "too late."
4. If I buy something, something small, even something like cotton balls, I hide it in my purse and try to sneak it into the house so she won't freak out. "Aah, shopping AGAIN. What a big money-waster. Oh well, that's just how she is. Doesn't think about the future at all! Useless."
5. I can't recall how many times she's called me useless/reckless/lazy/stupid/a liar. I'm so sick of having her put me down for something so little, like a) showering late, b) forgetting to do a chore, c) cutting my friends' hair and not washing the tools thoroughly afterward, d) not haggling with my friend for his camera, e) so much more...
I remember when my aunt from Canada came over last year. She was there one morning when my mom went into a tirade against me, and kept trying to shush her. Later as we both stood outside by the car, she told me that she would be so lucky and happy to have a daughter like me. I had never felt more touched nor cared for; I wanted to cry. I always feel like crying whenever I remember this. I imagined what it would be like to have a mom as caring and kind as my aunt; I desperately wished this would happen.
My God, my mom is turning into her mother. Loud, ostentatious, demanding, cranky all the time, etc. I look at my mom now and I'm always so taken aback by how much she's aged. She's starting to look exactly like my perpetually-cranky grandmother, the one who liked hitting me for no reason when I was a toddler. It's like in my eyes, she's lost the youth and (relative) mellowness of the mom ten years ago. Does age do this to people?
She despises how busy I am, what my hobbies are, and the friends I have. I can't do anything with her dragging me back all the time. My room is my sanctuary which she enjoys rooting through and invading. My dad might allow her to scream at him and order him around, but I definitely don't want to passively submit to her insolent demands. Seeing as I'm living under her roof, I'm pretty much forced to do so for the time being.
I feel like she's the root of any insecurities or emotional problems I might have. So much unnecessary stress because of her. I wish she could be more like other moms.
At least three years before I have an excuse to move out. Then finally I could enjoy the freedom I tasted this January. Such a blissful, blissful month.
Friday, April 2, 2010
spring break
Long time no blogzors. Oops! Must be more diligent or I won't have any memories left. I think my brain is getting a bit clogged, frankly. I'm having trouble remembering things; it's like if I don't dwell on something more than once, I'm going to forget that it ever happened.
Shall I flush my brain?
Spring break has been a lot busier than I thought it would be. I've been trekking all over San Jose for badminton and friend outings.
Tons of badminton! In the ST tournament, Jenny and I placed 1st in D womens doubles and Trevor and I placed 2nd in C mixed doubles. Awesome! So proud of my partners. Does this mean that I'm a C player now??? Hope so, I've been playing enough so I should have gotten at least a little better from high school! Our finals game in mixed was pretty intense. Lots of people were watching our game, and we split. At the final point, Lorene dropped, and Trevor and I both slid/dove for it. We ended up in a heap in the middle of the court, haha. Good times.
I love being so busy, but I hate that I'm getting in trouble for being so busy. I'd leave the house and my mom would scream, "AGAIN?" Ugh. I can't get anywhere with her dragging me back all the time. I miss January -- what a month of exhilarating freedom!
Photoshoot tomorrow. I'm excited, but this is just the appetizer. I'm so excited and stoked for the nature photoshoot I'm planning! It'll be elegant, ethereal, whimsical, playful... I can't wait!
Shall I flush my brain?
Spring break has been a lot busier than I thought it would be. I've been trekking all over San Jose for badminton and friend outings.
Tons of badminton! In the ST tournament, Jenny and I placed 1st in D womens doubles and Trevor and I placed 2nd in C mixed doubles. Awesome! So proud of my partners. Does this mean that I'm a C player now??? Hope so, I've been playing enough so I should have gotten at least a little better from high school! Our finals game in mixed was pretty intense. Lots of people were watching our game, and we split. At the final point, Lorene dropped, and Trevor and I both slid/dove for it. We ended up in a heap in the middle of the court, haha. Good times.
I love being so busy, but I hate that I'm getting in trouble for being so busy. I'd leave the house and my mom would scream, "AGAIN?" Ugh. I can't get anywhere with her dragging me back all the time. I miss January -- what a month of exhilarating freedom!
Photoshoot tomorrow. I'm excited, but this is just the appetizer. I'm so excited and stoked for the nature photoshoot I'm planning! It'll be elegant, ethereal, whimsical, playful... I can't wait!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
yesteryear
Why is it that today's last year feels like yesterday... yet last year's yesterday felt like today?
out with the old; but honestly, thank you for all that time.
out with the old; but honestly, thank you for all that time.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
judgmental
it's not fair to judge someone before you even get to know the person. to hear one side of the story and judge that person... you don't even get to hear that person's side of the story.
i should have expected this, but i was too caught up in my bubble to notice that malevolent one just beyond my sight.
//over two years later, so i realize what's been happening.
you, who have always been friendly to me. spreading terrible rumors about me around and glorifying your status. how can i look or speak to you in the same way?
it's so weird how i've never noticed. i might have heard a whisper or two the first week, but really i didn't expect to hear about all this over two years later.
the people i've barely even spoken to... barely even met... have prejudged notions of me.
i would like to correct them, but why should i waste my time dealing with judgmental people?
if you are not willing to take the time to get to know me, instead dwelling on preconceived notions of me, then i should not even bother to involve you in my life.
//but it just hurts that you, a person i've always thought of as a good friend, would go behind my back.
i don't know how many you've told, but total count that i've encountered in the past few months? definitely more than a few.
this actually upsets me more than i've let on to other people. really though, i shouldn't care...why care?
because it's just not fair.
c'est la vie.
i know what i did in the end was wrong, but you should reconsider what you did (and told me) too. i was honest to you from the start about how i felt and i hoped you could accept that. maybe i should have more sense to say no; things like this don't ever turn out well. as we both found out the hard way.
in the end, we both erred.
i should have expected this, but i was too caught up in my bubble to notice that malevolent one just beyond my sight.
//over two years later, so i realize what's been happening.
you, who have always been friendly to me. spreading terrible rumors about me around and glorifying your status. how can i look or speak to you in the same way?
it's so weird how i've never noticed. i might have heard a whisper or two the first week, but really i didn't expect to hear about all this over two years later.
the people i've barely even spoken to... barely even met... have prejudged notions of me.
i would like to correct them, but why should i waste my time dealing with judgmental people?
if you are not willing to take the time to get to know me, instead dwelling on preconceived notions of me, then i should not even bother to involve you in my life.
//but it just hurts that you, a person i've always thought of as a good friend, would go behind my back.
i don't know how many you've told, but total count that i've encountered in the past few months? definitely more than a few.
this actually upsets me more than i've let on to other people. really though, i shouldn't care...why care?
because it's just not fair.
c'est la vie.
i know what i did in the end was wrong, but you should reconsider what you did (and told me) too. i was honest to you from the start about how i felt and i hoped you could accept that. maybe i should have more sense to say no; things like this don't ever turn out well. as we both found out the hard way.
in the end, we both erred.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
just let it go... geez!!
Why is it that the people for whom I am supposed to care most also seem to stress me out the most?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
mellow
I used to get upset about minor things, but now I try to brush them off and make the best of my situation. I wish people around me, both friends and parents, wouldn't freak out over little things; life is too short to get stirred up about every little inconvenience. Just accept that it's happened and move on. We all are only human, after all.
Monday, January 25, 2010
january
I just realized I haven't blogged in forever...
January was such a fun month! My parents shuttled off to China/Hong Kong for three weeks, leaving the car and money behind. bwahahaha. Diane and I enjoyed our dose of long-awaited freedom. I think my culinary skills have improved...
..................................
January:
1. FREEDOMFREEDOMFREEDOM. Freedom to go anywhere, buy anything (well, grocery-wise), sleep anytime, wake anytime, hang out with anyone. I've never felt so unrestricted in my life.
2. tons of driving. Alllll over the Bay Area. Berkeley to San Jose to Fremont to San Jose to San Francisco. Tons of driving to Fremont BART. Tons of exploring. And two almost-accidents heehee.
3. I realized that I'm a closet clean freak. I get irritated when people leave their trash in my car, like when they finish a food item and stuff the wrapper in a crevice of my car. THAT IS NOT A TRASH CAN. REPEAT. THAT IS NOT A FREAKING TRASH CAN!!!!
MY CAR IS NOT A TRASH CAN
.....................................
On a side note, I should make some rules if I schlep people around.
a) Feel free to change the music if I don't care... but as driver I get the ultimate say in choosing the station. muahahaha fair enough?
b) Eating in my car is fine. I'm totally okay with that. Go ahead and put your wrapper/beverage/whatever in the cup holder after you're done eating. I only ask that you remove your own trash!!! It is only common courtesy!!! I dislike cleaning up after the people that I've driven around. IT IS ONLY COMMON COURTESY ugh.
c) I don't mind if you are sopping wet from the rain and you get into the car. It's only water; it'll dry. I do mind, however, if your shoes are completely caked with mud. Please try to scrape some mud off before entering the car!! I am eventually going to have to clean after you.
d) Mmm...that's it. lol. Anyhoo before I get sidetracked again...
.........................
4. all the cooking!! I loved the lasagna I made! Even though it's so fatty, I want to try it again. I loved trying the dishes that I've always wanted to make but never had the opportunity to try out.
5. Badminton, badminton, and more badminton! Tons of practicing, preparing, and getting in shape for the upcoming tournaments. Next week is the berk winter tournament, in which I am playing C's and D's doubles with Jenny and C's mixed with Trevor. In February, there's the Racket Supply tournament (haven't asked anyone for that one yet) and the Irvington tournament (doubles with Jenny and mixed with Chrispy). Victor tournament (march?) I am playing D's mixed with Ian. I've been trying jump smashes, backhand smashes, crosscourt net drops, and kills with Jonas. I think we've been doing fairly well with them, but my jump smashes/backhand smashes are pretty pathetic. haha.
On top of preparing for tournaments, I'm going to be doing some assistant coaching for PHHS. I actually haven't done very much so far besides attend a conditioning day and help out at their badminton clinic. Come February/March though, there'll be a lot to do. I only hope that I'll have time to help out as much as I want to; school will take up a large chunk of my time. I'm only going to be able to help out on Tues/Thurs though.
January was such a fun month! My parents shuttled off to China/Hong Kong for three weeks, leaving the car and money behind. bwahahaha. Diane and I enjoyed our dose of long-awaited freedom. I think my culinary skills have improved...
..................................
January:
1. FREEDOMFREEDOMFREEDOM. Freedom to go anywhere, buy anything (well, grocery-wise), sleep anytime, wake anytime, hang out with anyone. I've never felt so unrestricted in my life.
2. tons of driving. Alllll over the Bay Area. Berkeley to San Jose to Fremont to San Jose to San Francisco. Tons of driving to Fremont BART. Tons of exploring. And two almost-accidents heehee.
3. I realized that I'm a closet clean freak. I get irritated when people leave their trash in my car, like when they finish a food item and stuff the wrapper in a crevice of my car. THAT IS NOT A TRASH CAN. REPEAT. THAT IS NOT A FREAKING TRASH CAN!!!!
MY CAR IS NOT A TRASH CAN
.....................................
On a side note, I should make some rules if I schlep people around.
a) Feel free to change the music if I don't care... but as driver I get the ultimate say in choosing the station. muahahaha fair enough?
b) Eating in my car is fine. I'm totally okay with that. Go ahead and put your wrapper/beverage/whatever in the cup holder after you're done eating. I only ask that you remove your own trash!!! It is only common courtesy!!! I dislike cleaning up after the people that I've driven around. IT IS ONLY COMMON COURTESY ugh.
c) I don't mind if you are sopping wet from the rain and you get into the car. It's only water; it'll dry. I do mind, however, if your shoes are completely caked with mud. Please try to scrape some mud off before entering the car!! I am eventually going to have to clean after you.
d) Mmm...that's it. lol. Anyhoo before I get sidetracked again...
.........................
4. all the cooking!! I loved the lasagna I made! Even though it's so fatty, I want to try it again. I loved trying the dishes that I've always wanted to make but never had the opportunity to try out.
5. Badminton, badminton, and more badminton! Tons of practicing, preparing, and getting in shape for the upcoming tournaments. Next week is the berk winter tournament, in which I am playing C's and D's doubles with Jenny and C's mixed with Trevor. In February, there's the Racket Supply tournament (haven't asked anyone for that one yet) and the Irvington tournament (doubles with Jenny and mixed with Chrispy). Victor tournament (march?) I am playing D's mixed with Ian. I've been trying jump smashes, backhand smashes, crosscourt net drops, and kills with Jonas. I think we've been doing fairly well with them, but my jump smashes/backhand smashes are pretty pathetic. haha.
On top of preparing for tournaments, I'm going to be doing some assistant coaching for PHHS. I actually haven't done very much so far besides attend a conditioning day and help out at their badminton clinic. Come February/March though, there'll be a lot to do. I only hope that I'll have time to help out as much as I want to; school will take up a large chunk of my time. I'm only going to be able to help out on Tues/Thurs though.
The coaches and tryout judges. L-R: James, Rose, Aaron, Vinh, me, Emily, Michelle, Alex
6. HOUSE PARTIES!!!! What else can I say???
7. new developments heehee. ;D
i hope the rest of the year will be this fun!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
