Loss of innocence

Very confused about recent developments. Should I stick to what I really want, or to what everyone else wants/already approves of?

Of course if I phrase it like that, people are going to tell me to stick to what I want. However, if I did, that would be an incredibly selfish act. Doing what I want isn't necessarily the best choice. I would probably inconvenience and/or hurt other people.

In the end, is it best that I strive to make others happy, but reassure myself with a lie? Or should I be honest with myself at the risk of inconveniencing and harming others?

Just something running at the back of my mind.

++ I have to remind myself that 95% of the people in the world are honest good people. Encountering deceitful people certainly makes it seem like that deviant 5% of the population makes up the whole world.

At Smash City, I was reserving a court for Ian, Bryan, and Chris. Bryan had gone to change and the other two had gone to get water. I was standing on the court, practicing my serves, when two big Indian dudes came up to me.

I recognized them from the summer, when we came often to Smash City. I had played with them and their other friend before, and they'd cracked sick jokes that I awkwardly laughed off.
Awkward moment over the summer:
*Mustache dude points to short dude* "He said you would marry me if we win this match!" Thankfully that was the only time I played with them.

Anyway, they came up to me. Mustache dude pointed at the sign on the court: "Training is at 4:00. It's 4:30 now. Sorry, but this court is reserved for training."

"Oh?" I said, stupidly. "Okay...um..." And then I got off the court.

Which I really regret. I wish instead I'd stuck around and asked where their coach was, where their fellow trainees were, etc.

Sneaky, sly way to steal a court from a girl when the entire gym is packed. The validity of the sign made me believe the guys enough to get off the court, but as soon as I walked off, suspicion alarms went off in my head.

Anyway, a while after that, the two dudes spotted a better court next to the one they'd stolen from me. Mustache dude turned to me and said, "You can use the court now."

Thanks.

++ Why didn't I argue? I didn't want to raise a scene just for possession of a court. Besides, the two of them were huge and burly. I will just know better next time.

It's kind of sad how everyone is so cautious and wary of others just because of that devious 5% of the population. Those two guys hit shamelessly on girls, cheated their way onto courts, and cut in line for challenge courts (saw them do this over the summer). Because of guys like them, we have rules and sign-up slips just to ensure honesty.

People think that the loss of innocence results after sex or learning about sexual references, but here's what I think losing one's innocence really should mean.

Our parents, when we were children, read us stories that conveyed strong morals about life. We grew up with Disney fairy tales, where life was just peachy and ended happily ever after. The evil witches were always killed, the good guys always lived, and love stayed forever strong.

As I grew up, I stubbornly believed that there really are no bad people in the world. Misfits, maybe. Misunderstood, probably. But bad down to the core? Never.

No one will take my backpack if I set it down on this bench in the locker room for about two hours. No one will try to blatantly lie to others for their own benefit. People were read the same Aesop's fables that my parents read to me. We all have the same morals...

In freshman year, my backpack was riffled through when I left it in the locker room (don't remember why). Somebody took the $30 I needed to pay club fees. As a freshman, that was a lot of money to me. As a freshman, I was also naive and innocent. After that incident, I wondered why someone would have the nerve to steal from others if he/she had the same morals I did.

In 7th grade science class, my table exchanged our quiz papers with the adjacent table. The girl whose paper I corrected came quietly to me while the teacher was lecturing, and pointed out that I had miscorrected a question she had gotten wrong. I looked at it again. When I corrected it the first time, she had boldly circled the B when the answer was C. Looking closely at it, I saw a small, thoroughly-erased circle around the little B. I argued quietly that I was sure I had corrected it right, but she insisted that I must not have been paying attention. The teacher turned around and told us to stop talking.

I gave up and miserably gave the girl the point that she did not earn.

Granted, people are not necessarily bad down to the core. One thing I did learn, though... Life isn't fair. Life really isn't. Even when you stick to your morals, other people may not believe in them.

I lost my innocence when I gave up on the idea that people are always honest and good. Life isn't a fairytale, and good people don't always triumph. Watch my back, and remember to keep my pepper spray in my bag at all times. Bring my things to the restroom with me instead of leaving them out in the hall, and check that I still have my DSLR wherever I had placed it.

But do remember: 95% of people are good. Just watch out for that other 5%.